dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
