dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
