I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
