dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Congratulations! We have a period
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
