I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
