I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
