I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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