If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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