NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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