Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
im on a boat
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