I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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