i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The power of my boobs compel you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
