he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
