I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
