I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
