you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
