He felt like a one man threesome
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
