He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize