So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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