my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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