But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
