Barsexuality is the new black.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
