and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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