so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
