why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
