she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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