How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
