I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
