Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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