Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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