I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
