I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
