your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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