Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
