its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
