Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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