We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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