honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
