meet me or not, i'm out of control
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
