it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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