Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We left an ass print on the piano.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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