I am spending my child support on dildos
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
