guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
