I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Randomize
