My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
