went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
