my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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