My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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