Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
