I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
