You're so nebulous sometimes
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
