just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
