her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
