Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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