When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
