did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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