if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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