Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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