so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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