I think im going to throw up on grandma
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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