He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
