Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
