She is in my trunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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