I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
