she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
