I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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