i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
