could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
