so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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