do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
