I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
