She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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