1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize