it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
