wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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