I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
