just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
