kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
