is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
