I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
