now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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