Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I looked at my own cervix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
