It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
